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Apr. 4th, 2011 | 06:53 am

 Joke! Just whn i wan' take a break frm this place, there's a mobile version of it.
Still, it won't change my decision.
Followin' twitter and fb, this is the final one.
I cld still fondly recall how tdidi unknowingly commented on how the username must be a "bad person" judgin' frm the username.
The username actually has a more positive meanin' for me but it neednt matter to others.
This place has served me well.
Times whn i HAD to HUP, times whn i had to act stronger than i really am, this is whr i'd seek as a refuge but i've found another, and it really is time to move on.
I prolly wld still be back to check on the je comms but that'll be more or less abt it.
Smiles ((:

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282# the end is the beginnin'

Apr. 4th, 2011 | 12:33 am
mood: calmcalm

for some reason the title reminds me of human centipede. YUCKS!
i wan' go travel!
actually i kinda wan' go on mission trip.
seein' rach yst actually struck a cord w me.
i wan' be there and experience first hand.

actually i wan' go shoppin' too..
but DANG! exams are like in less than 3wks!
eh no, actually abt 3wks and i got crazy load to catch up.
this sucks!

it seems like i've changed, not for the better but for worse.
N said it's gettin' tirin' because i'm not doin' what i knoe is right.
mayb i've just been runnin' away frm tough decisions but i knoe i can run away forever.
i really gotta start somewhr and what best to do than to let go of evrythg that i've been holdin' on to so far?
the msg 'came' and it's to let go of evrythg, so evn if it's the hardest thg to do so far, i've gotta just follow thru' and believe in Him.
if twas meant to be, i will find my way back to the ppl, the thgs and the feelings.
needa eat.

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280# happyday! ;)

Apr. 3rd, 2011 | 04:01 pm
music: R's rendition of Akireru Kurai Bokura wa Negaou

finally a gd day aft a long time.
well, mayb JUST awhile. hee.
bigwhitetee, comfyadidasshorts. THIS IS LIFE!! :DD
definitely not feelin' the effects of the 'bombs' yst.
one aft another, i prolly hafnt cursed like yst for a long time as well.
evn cjtimes wldnt have beat yst.
but svc yst was prolly the best thg that happened.
entered 'home' w a heavy heart but left feelin' afresh.
so grateful for jaynie's prayers, tbh i was totally like 'woh'! hehs.
still pretty uncomfy w the sddn attn durin' prayers but it really helped.
emmanuel's def whr God wants me.
i knew the moment i went back and i saw the girlies, james shoutin, "PK!", roland's hug, jaynie's gongcha.
ohdear, how to not love these ppl whn they're still so lovin' despite my tired face.
i was totally too tired to evn pretend to smile.
if not for svc, i'd end up prolly do the usual, find a sad drama/vid, cry then ko.
cant wait to load the last ep of bartender w ryo-chan!
omg! hawt of what! miracleboy plus the sexyosakan! FUU!
but sadly i'll have no drama for awhile then :(((
gotta wait for r's new drama w some dog i think.

HAHAA! apparently research has shown that guys 'PMS' too!
evry mth it affects their tempers!
apparently it has to do w the changes of the moon!
whn it's crescent moon, guys are generally less interested in workin', talkin, etc.
hmm.. shall observe in future :p

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Apr. 3rd, 2011 | 12:00 am

not a v clear version but this is the best audio i cld find.
soothin' and calmin' as usual..

We'll Wish So Hard You Won't Believe It

Being afraid to believe, lying for someone's sake
Everybody's face looks different, but each one is the shape of their feelings

We're so clumsy, we hurt others sometimes
But surely we can forgive each other

We'll wish so hard you won't believe it, and the world will become as one
We'll even cross over the dark night
Before those countless tears dampen tomorrow
Let's softly join hands

It's not something very convenient, it doesn't shimmer like a diamond
But the light always shines on the room in the depths of my heart

What taught me that nobody can survive alone
Was the bond of people sharing their joy

We'll make a promise to a shining future, and the world will become as one
We'll place our endless dreams on it
Until the day those countless tears turn into smiles
Let's keep holding hands

Within everyone is the hope to keep living on this planet
One for all
All for one
Now come, let's sing of love

We'll wish so hard you won't believe it, and the world will become as one
We'll even cross over the dark night
Before those countless tears dampen tomorrow
Let's softly...

We'll make a promise to a shining future, and the world will become as one
We'll place our endless dreams on it
Until the day those countless tears turn into a smile
Let's keep holding hands

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278# all in a day's work

Mar. 31st, 2011 | 01:26 am
music: i'll be there for you - Bon Jovi

had wanted to do an entry abt ivp but procrastination got the better of me.
the day was pretty great w the endless slackin' and movie but there seems to be more to it.
mornglor was actually not too bad, borin' in the first half, kinda uglytruth-ish.
still, nth beat the 'great' news i heard at the end of the night.
nth beats feelin' happy for others!
esp whn they're ppl close to you.
the night took a change w the ep of glee tho. hahaa!
major disturbance!
but totally LOOOOOOVE blaine!
i knoe i'm slow but still love the character!
love how he's so calm and composed abt evrythg, so matured and lovin' at the later part of the show! ♥
wonderin' why the fatboy gave himself sucha hard time, esp whn it seems like he likes kurt.
if you love sombod, you just do.
you prolly dont hafta express it but to bully the person?
well, i guess that's v much highsch then.
badass face w PINK accessory! guys who dare to pull off pink spells H-A-W-T!

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277# what's this disgustin' feelin' i'm feelin'?

Mar. 26th, 2011 | 01:40 am
mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
music: Koe - Arashi

 supposed to be in bed 'cos i gotta be up in a few hours' time but bag unpacked, mood un-hyped.
doesnt help that the "talk" w dad isnt goin' v well.
it's really sth i've yet to experience and NEVER EVER thot cld take place.
torn between both, or mayb deep dwn inside i'd alr knoe the ans.
idk why am i so stubborn this time round.
mayb 'twas the promise we made.
ngaah! forget it, idc!

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276# responsibility

Mar. 23rd, 2011 | 02:26 am
mood: numbnumb
music: Graduation (Friends Forever) - Vitamin C

readin' the assignment talkin' abt binge drinkin'.
i guess we're kinda close to the definition of binge drinkers, only diff's we really dont do it that often..
gotta admit that i finally see the reason why amos liked the 'kick' outta it but controls still gotta be undertaken.
no party-ing before ivp, that's a given.
two last nights aft ivp and it'll be muggin' season w the rest.
whn we were talkin' abt flamin'lambo, AK and whatnots.
ohhemmgee, i dont like the sound of 'em.
i'mma avoid at all cost, 'cos i really suspect that they'll be too potent for me.
i needa be clubbin' like how i used to, before i really entered SIM.
daddy gave me the freedom and that bit of responsibility's the only thg i shld give in return..


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275# parallel lines

Mar. 22nd, 2011 | 06:58 am

Was wonderin' abt the analogy abt two ppl livin' their lives 'separately', like two parallel lines.
The meanin' of it's to have 'em not interfere in each others' lives but why can't it be companionship instead?
Two ppl not interferin' w each others' lives but alws there beside each other.

It really isn't a gd thg whn your all your classmates are commentin' abt your presence in class.
Obviously i don't realise it but other than those in my grp, i really hafnt seen much of the rest!
I see uol-ers so much often, i might as well trans! -.-
Useless lect again today..
Revision lects are meant to AID muggin' not to inform us that evrythg must be covered..! Tsk.

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273# final spurt

Mar. 22nd, 2011 | 04:11 am

 it's finally the last stretch, it's gotta be a 110% sprint or all the sufferings till now will be wasted.
anyhows i just gotta hang on, aft tday, we'll only be left w ONE.
evrybod's puttin' in their best, really no reason for me to slacken off just 'cos i have trg!
waitin' for the report to do editin'd alws the most painful..
the wait's nv-endin!
tryin' to be a lil' diff this time, decided to snooze while waitin'. 
lucky i didnt overslp, w a lil' help frm the piglet.
and there's trg later!
i seriously hope i'll survive! 
gon' be in my specs for sure, def needa get more specs, kinda bored of my current ones.
in fact, i shld get my eyes checked...
gon' end here, still got packin' to be done. fml!

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272# i'm not ready

Mar. 21st, 2011 | 04:00 am

 "..i'm only human, but i'll keep tryin" (is this sentence even correct grammatically? 'cos shldnt there be no ',' if there is a but? doesn't matter) just typin' in chunks again. brains are pretty 'flooded' w evrythg.. thinkin' abt a thousand different thgs at the same time. if not for projs i'd really v much wan' stay at home to 'recuperate', get more 'me' time, the lack of it's takin' a toll on me.. mayb i really shld start readin' more too, i can really feel my english goin' down the drain. w the inclusion of hokkien, chinese and whatever rojak languages decoratin' my speech, i'm startin' to wonder if i'm still able to conduct a decent convo in solely pure english! till v recently, i've alws thot i was ready for it but twas until today that i realise i'm not. there's still a part of me that really wan' sore, wan' run wild and be free. the only scary thg's it's on and off. i'd v much love to think that is as norm as it cld be. it's tirin' goin' in a circle but idk why i'm still continuin'. mayb there'll come a time whn i'll finally get sick & tired of it and finally heed her advice. however, some thgs dont change. my A playlist still works whn i'm dwn, discouraged, or basically any not-so-nice moods i'm in. arghh.. it happened again -.- needa edit proj again and it's edit the ENTIRE thg.. might as well redo like that -.- siannnn!

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271# experience

Mar. 20th, 2011 | 07:55 pm
location: Cave
mood: blankblank
music: Arashi

so much to reflect on for yst but really? i'm pretty stoned. there are so much to think abt, so much happened and feelings i've nv felt before, fears i nv knew cld still bug me, helplessness, stupidity, evrythg in one. at one point it felt like i was just watchin' myself run, not gd. it was as if i was on autopilot but the destructive mode. feelin' like i really needa sit down and rethink evrythg but i dont have the luxury of the time, time was spent tryin' to force myself to slp the fatigue off. one thg that really bothered me was the parts whn we didnt knoe whr's the endzone! well, the cones were kinda confusin' but we were quite dumb as well i guess. if it wasnt for the fact that the mistake nearly caused us sth, it'd be quite funny to see two idiots runnin' deep and mistakin' the endzone. best part was we didnt do it once but many times. there's only one word for it, stupid. didnt like the emotions, twas too much for me to handle, a lil of it'd be fine but too much of it crashes me. took so much for me to neutralise the whole feelin'. really bad idea to play nball before the games, totally changed my whole play. i guess the only gd thg was i realised it, tho a tad too late but at least i did and tried to correct it a lil. grateful that c was there to throw w me, tho we were doin' quite some retarded throws but it was really much more comfy throwin' w somebod close. cuttin' wise, i really have no recollections of it, so it either mean i didnt cut durin' game or i simply didnt cut. ngaahhh.. however, i was still quite lucky to get by w ALOT of luck, or it'd really have been worse. needed stop thinkin' abt regrets but think of how to change my play and correct my mistakes! the regret thg really doesnt work for me.. it drags me dwn instead of givin' me the boost. lotsa changes to be done, throws, cut and mental ability. in fact, i felt like i didnt evn bring my composure in whn i played. horrid but it's over, new page, new day this sat!

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270# temporary 'shelter'

Mar. 17th, 2011 | 03:35 am
mood: bouncybouncy
music: Audio Cream

 i alws end up tweetin' non-stop whn i'm proj-ing!
gotta ctrl my twitter spam!
so it's livejournal to the rescue again! ;)

baby said this that day durin' lunch and it made me think quite abit:
"why are we judgin'em? they are exactly the ppl who really needs God. are we goin' to judge'em and deny'em of His Greatness?"
true that, we're all the same in His eyes, so what's w all the bs abt.. ugh.. i dont really wan' talk abt it. for those who even stop for a sec to judge, i guess we needa take a few more secs to reflect on ourselves.
"if dreams were so easily attained, there wld be no happiness to it."

"baby got back!"

"fallin' for imperfections."
strange but it seems like a much more difficult task fallin' for the "perfect" guy. blame it on insecurity or the lack of trust in ppl, we'd alws think thgs are so perfect, all we can do's wait for the "disappointment". sounds irritatin' enough. which reminds me of my belief that it's difficult to fall for "one-dimensional" guys. 1D guys are those w almost only "one-side" to 'em. wldnt it be more interestin' to fall for somebod who's constantly surprisin'/amazin' you w a side of him you've nv see before? w that said, betrayal really doesn't fall w/in the definition of surprise!

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269# What Are Words

Mar. 3rd, 2011 | 06:52 pm
location: Home
mood: apatheticapathetic
music: What Are Words - Chris Medina

 omg, i am so addicted to this song, i think it's abt the only thg i hear anymore!
the lyrics are beautiful, maybe 'cos he actually did what he sang.
it just felt more genuine that all the norm lovesongs.
he's a miracle himself, just how much love and courage does he need to make a decision like this?
he's showed the world what 'Love' really is.
all of us think we knoe the meanin' of the word but whn faced w difficult situations, how many of us can really stay steadfast to all our promises of 'Love' and 'Forever'?
nobod evn promises abt 'Forever' anymore?
you can say we 'grown' outta it but truth is, none of us are confident of it anymore.
we're not sure if we can do it and we dont wan' be tied down by it.

just been thinkin' abt stuff more recently..
gosh, thinkin' is a bitch, or mayb i hafnt really work my brain that much before.
it really is strainin' evrytime i get started, i just wan' fall aslp the v same instance *shruggs.
slpin' cant help solve my probs but thinkin' too hard doesnt too, so slpin'd somehow feel like the right thg to do.
w that said, i am not slpin' enough tho.
or more like, i'm slpin' at v bad timings, i'm practically trainin' to become a vamp.
imagine slpin' at almost 6 evry night.
slpin' pattern def screwed! pfft.
time to scoot back to projs. zZzzz..
Tags: , ,

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267# the same no more.

Jan. 11th, 2011 | 02:25 am

finally slightly calmer.
the hardest part was pretendin to be ok whn evrythg starts sinkin in.
it is NOT okay!
it was shit!
even tho that simple comment was sth i alr knew, i was disappointed.
thot the person better than this but i guess once again, i proved myself wrong.
whn will i ever learn?
i hate these ppl, i really do.
they are not worth the efforts.
if by any chance they choose to drift, i am definitely not puttin in a single bit of effort!
definitely no!

Tags: ,

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265# lookin' back

Jan. 10th, 2011 | 02:57 am

never really intended to have it be this way.
feelin' a lil like a natural reaction now.
evrytime i see/hear/read anythg that smells of possible politics, i cringe.
there's this 'kyuu' feelin that my heart experiences.
it's as if my heart stops for awhile.
it shldnt be like that.
i'm not sure why am i so.. afraid?
to me it's startin to feel like i'm offerin myself to be butchered.

ahhh~! the most irritatin part abt frisb: it's startin to feel like sch -.-
there are soooo many thgs to 'study'!
if anybod come tell me it's a dogsports again.
i'm gon' tell 'em then ash's smarter than 'em -.- &*$#*&$#

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264# zen

Jan. 8th, 2011 | 02:22 am
mood: accomplishedaccomplished
music: Grenade - Bruno Mars

physical state's definitely nowhr near zen.
wakin up to migraine and fever is totally FML!
but i am actually feelin' quite zen minus all the nonsense suicidal thots.
seriously, migraines are no joke and i have no freakin' idea why i'm havin' it naooo..
and NO! drinkin' water's not gon' help migraines.
fine, i am just terribly stubborn whn i'm sick but..
but there's no buts!

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262# tsuyoku naritai

Jan. 7th, 2011 | 02:04 am

at the end of the day i chose to come back here..
there are still situations i wan' overcome.
i guess there's only this much i can take and it's time to overcome the wall.
been stonin' alot and shutoff moments are increasin' as well.
shutoff moments actually scare me quite abit.
like whn it happened today i was tryin hard to just contain the 'wall'.
still, i'd say the day was definitely not too bad.
i am 'recoverin' slowly..

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261# choices

Jan. 5th, 2011 | 03:59 am
mood: weirdweird
music: In My Life - Beatles


one more yr before evrythg's over.
one yr really isnt a v long time.
one yr ago, at this date, i was still intern-ing at UBS.
i'd definitely not imagine myself doin sports again, esp one that will need me to almost forgo the sport i played for more than half of my life.
i'm definitely not as focused and determined as i shld be, feelin' like i threw away three yrs of hardwork just for it but i kinda love the adrenaline rush it gives me.
if i gotta use one word to describe the game it'd prolly be wind.
it's just the impression it gives me.
like the wind, it can go at a comfy speed but once the speed picks up, it just excites me.

in no time, i'ma start lookin' for job like evry other.
idk if i'm really ready but i need to.
i'd actually asked sheryl abt it just a few days ago.
toyin' w a few options, evn wonderin if sim was really a gd choice.
do i still wan' do hospi? there will be so much to catch up on.
if i'm goin back to hotel i'll prolly wan' be part of the Les Clefs d'Or.
definitely no f&b, that is hell..
either way i'm prolly in no state to think now, there's lesson in >8h's time and i am still up! bagus!
the ONLY thg to look forward this sem's the service and biz mod.

mayb i shld have just stopped at dip...

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260# timing's everything

Sep. 5th, 2010 | 03:40 am
location: in bed
mood: contentcontent
music: Love The Way You Lie - Rihanna ft. Eminem

I'm so "addicted" to twitter, i'm actually itching to tweet.
Which makes me wonder.. Am i so eager to let everyone know what i'm thinking?
Looking like a kid again with a shorter fringe.
There are times when i wished for an older face, it'd hurt when others guess my age to be older than the actual but..
I feel older than i look.
There are times when i'd act like a total dork but that doesn't tell much..
Or maybe some parts of me're still pretty much immature.
I thought i was ready but till recently, i failed to realise, i'm not.
I haven't learned. Not a single bit.
If there's one thing i fail to learn, that's how to love anyone other than myself and my friends.
I need someone who'll "teach" me that.
Till then, it'll remain status quo ((:

Dreading work laterrrr....

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259# tweet nomore

Sep. 4th, 2010 | 08:26 pm
mood: nostalgicnostalgic

haven't really been writing or reading much.
feels like the "lack" of words is causing me to feel even more frustrated.
the inability to express myself better is killing me.
it's not like avatar where i can simply attach the tip of my hair to another's and expect to be understood.
there are times when i simply wished for things to be simpler but i guess that's not always the case.
netball used to be the most important thing, or at least the one thing i cant wait to do.
somehow along the way, i lost the motivation for it.

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