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257# deprived of slp

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Aug. 4th, 2010 | 01:30 am
mood: crankycranky
music: Knockin' on Heaven's Door - Angela Aki

i really hafn't been productive, be it sch or personal life.
supposed to be writin some lit. review but my brain just hasn't been v cooperative.
i can't decide if it's pms or just simply what had happened today.
just really hafn't been feelin too great.
rather than hurt, i'd say it's more of shock?
whr does the shock surface frm, i really have no idea.
ever tried havin the blatant truth in your bloody face?
do you ignore it or accept it?
tried havin evrythg startin to make sense 'cos you can no longer hide?
i guess what is botherin me more's i can't decide on which side i'd wanna be on.
the "it's ok" side or the "it's NOT ok" side.
just whn i think it's ok, i feel myself driftin off in my own thots but whn i'm think i'm not, i'm able to smile and laugh like nth happened.
frustratin, isn't it?
3 more hours before my targetted time to complete my bloody review but the current wordcount's 146/1500, just barely 1/10 done.
i can't focus but i knoe i will complete it.
because i am more stubborn than i think.
i miss postin my thots here, thots that feel like they're the most normal feelin.
twitter took over lj but twit is startin to be stalked like fb.
the only gd thg abt it is that it allows me to post on-the-go, at least more convenient than lj.
i hafn't exactly like like that in years.
a part of me is glad that i'm not unfeelin' but another part of me hates the feelin of "fallin into an abyss of darkness" w/in myself while still bein able to smile like it's the happiest time of my life.
come tmr, i shud be free from all these.
at least for a while :)

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